you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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