we'll go far in life on tits alone.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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