dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
