when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
