Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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