I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Can Purell be used as lube?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
