You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
