office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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