Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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