Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
