I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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