this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
