Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
