I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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