I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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