i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
