I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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