The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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