I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
