Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
