good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
