I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
