Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
