I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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