so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I have already put on my inside pants.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
