I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
