I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
