I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
