I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
