I CAN MOONWALK!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
