things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
