Please, let me fuck your mom
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
