It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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