I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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