just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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