Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
