I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
