A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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