i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
