Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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