I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
