And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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