hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
