i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You may now shotgun with the bride
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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