grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
