Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
