New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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