For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
