I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
