i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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