I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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