What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
