I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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