Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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