Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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