I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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