In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
