shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
