Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
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I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
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the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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