Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
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and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize