she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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