It's Friday. Sex?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
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they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
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I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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