Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
