There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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