Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
this beer tastes like vomit already
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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