i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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