I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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