Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
