she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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