i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i out mim tonsoeep
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