Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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