Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
