There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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