I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
