I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
