Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
