I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
